By Paul Kwiringira

How my Inadequacy at Work became an opportunity to depend on God

Unfulfilled work can make you feel small. Sometimes this is on you, and you need to stay late, wake up early, or pursue a master’s, but sometimes, you do your best and you simply just can’t reach the bar.

Lately, I have felt inadequate at work. My mind is often bombarded with intrusive thoughts, as I have questioned my ability to perform at all, even when I hold a master’s degree in my role, for example.

See, I often sit down with my paper and pen to jot down my work goals, and sometimes, the more I mount pressure on myself, the more I fail at the basics.

 I for example, sometimes mentallyy note a correction from my boss, and I endeavor not to repeat it, yet as I focus on this one thing, I end up messing up in a totally different task. 

These thoughts have often plunged me into a state of frustration, which has ultimately affected my work input. Recently, feeling downcast, I pulled up my phone, ran through my contact list, and texted my sister to explain to her my frustration.

She patiently listened and gave me sound advice, which I thought was, by and large, consistent with biblical wisdom. “I shall quote it here verbatim,” she wrote back.

“One thing I learned about inadequacy in the corporate world is that as long as it is not a letter of dismissal, it is actually kindness to make us better. I used to go hard on myself, but I had to thank God for people and bosses that pointed out my shortcomings—because guess what?

Paul, your shortcomings and inadequacies are lessons that will make you a much better lawyer tomorrow. It will save you when there is much more at stake, and you will be thankful for it. Our human egos are designed to hate criticism, the feeling of letting someone down, especially when we want to do well, but you are being molded and trained, and that is often uncomfortable. God is not interested in your comfort or your feelings of accomplishment; he is interested in your growth and you being better in every single aspect of your life.” “”

Reading this over and over again resuscitated me, and instead of “looking inward for solutions” like a mentor and friend, Eddie, once told me, I was reminded to “look to Christ even amidst work failure.”

Specifically, the psalmist’s words resonated. 

Psalms 42:5

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.

As I meditated on these, certain questions popped up in my mind supplemented by my sister’s advice

Why do I feel inadequate? What is my heart posture for doing what I do?

What do these feelings reflect about my life and sin?

She’s  rightly pointed it out: feelings of inadequacy often reflect our Eden- and Babel-like tendencies to act independently from God, to entertain the forbidden fruit of “ego,” and to “make a name for ourselves.”

It’s the ancient sin of “deifying ourselves” as if God were peripheral; we want to be seen as amazing in our line of work, even if we are prayerless and relationally cold—we want to always command the room and hit our KPI’s every time, lest our identity fall apart. God is often nowhere in that picture.  

We want success today and now, right now, without considering the sometimes purifying work that needs to be done for one to get there.

We are basically looking at those who are “killing it” and want to be like them at all costs, without considering what God might be “killing” in us as we conform to the image of his son.

We want outcomes without the work that God is using to mold us—to try us,  sometimes by fire, to remove every ounce of pride and self-sufficiency. I’m learning; my constant feeling of “not being enough” at work is also a longing for perfection only the perfect lamb of God has achieved on my behalf.

And that’s not to mean I stop putting in the hours or stop polishing my craft, but it is to mean I start taking it as an invitation to rely and depend on him, that I start humbling myself when criticism comes, that I leave room for God’s wrath when my seniors unfairly accuse me, that I trust God when workmates sneer or look down on me, and that, like Paul, I work “harder because of the one working in me” (1 Cor. 15:10). Not to merely please princes and CEOs, but I start treasuring knowing Christ and getting known by him as my ultimate thing, counting everything as loss.

This is how I will truly be liberated to work well, free of insecurities, serving my neighbor. building resilience and grit through Christ, as he causes me to depend on him amidst everything.

Oh Lord, that I would learn to accept that all things (including all things experienced at work) work together to conform me among those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” (Rom 8:28)

The writer is a technology and data protection lawyer at KTA Associates.